Desperation
by MissMalfoy77
Summary: The days following the vicious attack on Anna and Mr. Bates finding out about it. Oneshot.


**A/N: **Set a few days after the attack. Might contain bits and pieces from the end of episode 3 and of episode 4 but doesn't really follow the timeline after the rape. None of the characters, settings etc. belong to me, I'm just a horrified viewer that needs to get this off her chest. Because poor Anna and poor Mr. Bates. Rot in hell, Green.

* * *

Anna sat in the chair, clutching a cup of tea in her shaking hands. She stared at the floor, refusing to meet the older woman's eyes. Mrs Hughes looked at her and sighed. Such a bright, generous woman Anna had been, now reduced to the shaking, sobbing mess seated in front of her. Oh, if she _ever_ crossed paths with that vile man again, she would wield the bloody axe and sever his manhood off herself.

"Anna, dear…" she tried again, but Anna stared solidly at the ground.

"Mrs. Hughes, I'm begging you. I want my old bed back, please," Anna said, trembling. The inevitable shock and sadness her husband would feel had been pushed to the back of her mind. This wasn't about trying to save his feelings. This was about saving his neck. She couldn't bear it if she lost him again. Mrs. Hughes sighed again.

"Anna, I can't promise you anything…but I'll do my best. But what about Mr. Bates? Surely you'll only be doing nothing but increase his suspicion?" Anna shook her head fervently.

"You don't understand, Mrs. Hughes. I can't be near him, I can't let him touch me. Not hug me, not even rest his hand on my shoulder. Whenever he does all I think of is…him and and…" Anna squeezed her eyes shut, trying in vain to keep her tears in. Mrs. Hughes walked over and reached out, intending to comfort her, but let her arm drop as she imagined Anna's reaction. She settled for clasping her hands and reassured her. Anna drew in a deep breath and steadied herself. "I'm so…I'm terrified that John will never be able to touch me again, no matter how gently, without me thinking of…of that man!"

"Listen, Anna, you have been done a very great wrong, by a despicable, vile man. This is in absolutely no way your fault, do you understand me Anna?" Mrs. Hughes replied sternly. Anna covered her face with her hands and let out a sob.

"I don't know, I don't know about that! I don't think I ever showed signs I was interested in him, but I might have been leading him on…"

"No, you listen to me. You were simply kind and welcoming as you are to everyone and he took advantage of that. Mr. Bates adores you Anna, and he needs to know what happened. The poor man has been miserable these past few days because he's convinced _he's_ done something to hurt you."

"If he finds out, he'll see me as damaged. He won't even bear to look at me. I'm dirty, ruined, he won't even want to come near to me" Anna stated, emotionlessly. Mrs. Hughes' heart sank as she realized just how much of it Anna believed to be true.

"That's not true," she protested. "He loves you no matter what. I can see that, Carson knows that, even Thomas can see that."

"And there's always the chance he won't believe me," Anna mumbled, ignoring her reply.

"What? How in God's name can you say that? The man worships the ground you walk on!" Anna shook her head, a bitter smile forming on her lips.

"I defended him. Every time Mr. Bates would complain about something…that man did, I always defended him. I chastised my own husband for being jealous, for misjudging the man who, who attacked me!" Anna wailed.

"No, I will not sit here and listen to you blame yourself, Anna. You have absolutely no fault here and you need to understand that. Mr. Bates loves you dearly and I can see it pains him not knowing what is wrong or how he can comfort you. I am going to ask Mrs. Patmore to make another cup of tea for you and then we'll discuss your…arrangements." Anna nodded and Mrs. Hughes left the room.

* * *

"Bates, are you sure you're alright?" Robert asked his valet for the umpteenth time. Mr. Bates froze as he started to fold the livery.

"Yes, your Lordship," he muttered. Robert shook his head. There was definitely something wrong with Bates, he mused. He'd first put it down to maybe illness or maybe his leg was playing up again. But the defeated look in his valet's face had not gone unnoticed. Marriage troubles, maybe?

"Is Anna alright? Are you two happy? I don't mean to pry, Bates, but it's clear as day on your face that not all is right. Please do tell, after all, I should hope you can regard me as your friend," he offered. Mr. Bates contemplated this. It was true, Anna had been acting so differently the past few days and it was worrying him. She no longer waited for him to walk back to their cottage anymore and every time he tried to show a little gesture of affection, she would recoil back, almost as if she was disgusted. Could Robert possibly offer any advice?

"It…it's…nothing," Mr. Bates finally responded. He chuckled bitterly to himself. How could he possible have let himself believe that his Lordship could understand? It seemed almost impossible that her Ladyship, Cora, would ever act in this manner to her own husband. He resumed his folding and waited for Robert's reply.

Robert sighed. He shouldn't have expected it to be this easy. "Well if you're sure, Bates. You are dismissed." Mr. Bates nodded and left the room.

* * *

"Why the long face, Bates? Trouble in paradise?" Thomas drawled as Mr. Bates entered the servants' dining room. He ignored the jibe and set himself into a chair. Mrs. Patmore bustled over and kindly offered him a cup of tea.

"I'm making a pot for Mrs. Hughes and you look as though you could use one," she had said. He mumbled his thanks and leant back in his chair, closing his eyes. The best way, he mused, to find out what was wrong between him and Anna was to make a mental list of things that had changed within the last few days. Firstly, this change had only started a few days ago. Four days ago, if he wanted to be precise. It wasn't a gradual change, but dramatic meaning that he must have done something four days ago to cause his wife to almost despise his presence.

What had happened four days ago? The Gillingham and Co. party were staying at Downton, he tensed as he remembered the flirtatious behaviour of Mr. Green towards his wife, maybe their departure had affected Anna someway? Did she miss their revelry and raucous festivities? Was she disappointed that he didn't exhibit the same level of exuberance and energy that Mr. Green had? Was that it? He shook his head, his Anna wasn't that shallow…that couldn't be it.

But what else had happened? Dame Nellie had sung that night, Anna had complained of a headache and went down to take a powder, fainted and cut herself on the way down. Was she angry that he hadn't gone down with her? He paused. As much as he tried to convince himself, he was positive that Anna was covering up the truth behind her injuries. Surely when someone fainted and hit their head, they wouldn't have cut themselves five different place on their cheek? She was not being honest about those injuries, but why in God's name would she lie about them?

And then there were the personality changes. She never met his eyes anymore, never waited for him anymore. She left the cottage before she did and arrived back and fell asleep by the time he'd arrived, as if she didn't want to speak to him or see him. Then there was that constant look of sadness in her eyes. There was a whole lot more to this and he sighed, resting his head in his hand. Why wouldn't she tell him?

In the meantime, Mrs. Patmore had brought his cup of tea and as he began to sip the now-cold drink, he caught Mrs. Hughes giving him an odd look. Before he could work out why, she disappeared into her office. Mr. Bates sighed. It seemed the only person Anna ever 'talked' to these days, not polite yeses or nos, was Mrs. Hughes. He gripped the edge of the table and pulled himself up. He would bet his month's wages that Mrs. Hughes knew what had transpired and if Anna wouldn't tell him, then he would wheedle it out of Mrs. Hughes. He hobbled over to the wooden door and raised his hand to knock but dropped it when he heard a voice, specifically Anna's, coming through.

It was wrong, he knew it, but desperation got the better of him and he slowly placed his ear against the door.

* * *

"Drink up, my dear," Mrs. Hughes said gently, offering another cup to Anna. Anna hesitantly accepted it, but didn't drink.

"Now," the older woman started, wondering how to phrase her request, "when I found you in my office, I had immediately guessed what must've happened and you more or less confirmed it, but I do need to know…exactly what happened. I understand it will be painful to relive it and I know you've pleaded with me not to go to the police with this but for my own record, would you please tell me?" she asked softly. Anna nodded absentmindedly but didn't respond. After a minute, however she turned to face the older woman and closed her eyes.

"It was during Dame Nellie's singing, I'd started to get a headache so I told Mr. Bates I'd go down and take a powder and come back up. I…I went down, it was empty, no one was there because everyone had gone up to listen and I was in the kitchen drinking it, when…he arrived." Anna paused and drew in a shaky breath. Mrs. Hughes walked over and tentatively placed her hand on her back to comfort her. Anna flinched, but didn't recoil.

"He…he offered me something stronger but I refused and then as I tried to leave to go back up, he, he didn't let me pass. At first I thought he was joking around a bit but then he started saying things, things I didn't like. He called my husband a 'sad old cripple' and then he tried to kiss me. When I refused, I tried to push him off of me, he…he slapped me," she stated, her hand rising to touch the bruises on her cheek. Mrs. Hughes shook her head and comforted Anna, who continued.

"He dragged me to the boot room. He let me scream. He said 'no one will hear you down here while that hag is wailing upstairs'," she shuddered, "and then he ripped my dress and…and…" Anna tried to bring herself to finish the sentence but was interrupted by the sound of a wooden stick clattering to the floor outside the door.

* * *

Mr. Bates staggered back, his hand reaching back to support himself against the wall. His wife. Someone had violated his sweet, sweet Anna. How in God's name had he completely missed that? It was obvious, in hindsight, piecing all the pieces together…

Suddenly the door to the office swung open and a flustered Mrs. Hughes appeared, her face an expression of pure shock. Composing herself, she reached out and helped him up.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Bates," she said softly, leading him in. Anna, realizing who must've been outside, had taken her place at the back corner of the room and was resolutely avoiding his eyes.

"Anna," he choked out after a moment's silence. Just seeing his wife stand there, so broken, he wanted to hit himself. He had been so insensitive towards her these past few days. How much had it pained her to keep this a secret? Anna didn't respond.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it was rude to eavesdrop?" she finally replied, bitterly.

"Anna, my dear, I am so sorry," he offered, his voice hoarse. "I failed you...I didn't protect you when you needed me most. I know apologising won't erase what happened, but I am so so sorry, my dear, that you had to go through that." He feebly reached out to her, wondering if this time she'd take his hand, but she took a step back.

Mrs. Hughes bowed her head. She had almost forgotten this aspect of Mr. Bates' reaction. The marriage vows, the promise to protect your loved one, and now he felt he was entirely responsible.

"Mr. Bates," she started, but he cut her off.

"No, I failed in my role. When she went downstairs ill, I didn't go down with her to make sure she was alright. I was focused on the concert while my dear Anna, the one whom I'd pledged before God to love and protect, was downstairs being mercilessly...," he forced himself to say the word, "raped," he finished, voice shaking. Suddenly he whipped around to face Mrs. Hughes.

"Who was it?" When she gave no answer, he took a step forward. "WHO WAS IT?" he shouted. "WHERE IS THAT GODDAMN BASTARD THAT VIOLATED MY WIFE?" His blood boiled. He knew he was scaring both the women but at that point, all he could think about was that sweet feeling of clasping his hands around the man's neck and squeezing the life out of him, until he was begging for mercy like his dear wife had.

"JOHN STOP!" Anna shrieked. He turned and saw his wife's terrified expression and sank to the floor.

"Why? Why won't you tell me? Why wouldn't you tell me about this?" he pleaded, more calmly than before. She shook her head before the tears came spilling out.

"I can't lose you again!" she sobbed. "If I told you about all this you would hunt him down and end up hung in prison yourself. I can't let you do that, I can't lose you for a second time!"

He rubbed his eyes and gazed at his wife. "You...you didn't say anything, to protect me?" he asked, in disbelief. She nodded weakly. He could feel the rage within him increase at the thought of that vile bastard getting away with it, but at this moment, it was what Anna wanted and he would give it to her.

"Also...also because I thought maybe...maybe you wouldn't want me after you found out, maybe you might think I was damaged," she mumbled.

"Anna May Bates, I love you with all my heart and nothing will ever stop me wanting you to be the woman I wake up with every morning or share my joys and sorrows with. Your love and patience for me has many times exceeded what I thought I deserved and I'll always never cease to thank God that you agreed to marry me. Please don't think you are damaged, you are still my beautiful wife who...who was the victim of a horrific crime," he finished and for the first time in the last few days, a small smile tugged at her mouth.

"I'll leave you to it then," Mrs. Hughes announced after she was confident there wasn't anything left for her to say or do and she left the room. Anna and Mr. Bates both ignored her.

"May I?" he asked quietly, extending his hand. She looked at him and then nodded, allowing him to hold her hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and she didn't flinch. It wasn't ideal but it was progress. He would give her all the time in the world and maybe, just maybe they could try and move past this together.


End file.
